One Month In

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One Month In: Processing the Move

(written September-ish, 2020)

Most of you surely know the stages of moving from the place you’ve long called “home” to the place where the Lord has guided you. Sometimes it’s a better situation, sometimes worse. 

But the stages are mostly the same:

{read the bold portions to catch a summary}

• Making the decision: You weigh every option in your head, pro’s and con’s. You work out the numbers- will it work financially? You pray.. or at least you know you should, but it seems so impractical. You talk with wise people about it. You consider the amount of effort required to uproot and replant (more difficult the larger the family, or ‘plant’ given the metaphor). You pray some more.. or think about it, then ignore the impulse. You conclude, happily or not, that moving is best.

• Early Stage Planning: You start looking for housing in the new area .. well that was discouraging.. You start a packing list. You consider finishing all those house projects on the honey-do list. You work out the moving cost numbers. Ouch. You momentarily grieve the loved ones you’ll be leaving. You look back at the numbers. You search for housing again. You pray? You consider how to tell the kids. You consider how lonely it will feel for a time. You tear up a bit when no one’s looking (or stuff your feelings and wait for them to explode later; to each their own). You distract yourself by looking back at the numbers… hmm… You rethink this decision.

• Small Victories: Something comes through for you- your local connection finds the perfect house or apartment; or a big financial gift comes in from a family member; or, you learn about an excellent perk to living in the new area.

• Setbacks: Your car breaks down.. seriously?! Or, that house gets taken off the market before you get a change to pray about it (let’s be real though..)! Or, your boss adds an extra load of work as a parting gift- that certainly won’t be missed. Or, a pandemic sweeps the earth! (yes, that one)

• Upward progress: Housing is set. You buy a replacement car. The family is actually kind of excited. One closet is completely empty! The bedrooms are getting there. Decorations are coming off the wall. Furniture is being sold or given away. That’s where my remote went! Quick, sweep before the customers arrive! A few more of the honey-do projects are complete. The moving truck is reserved and movers are confirmed to help. The date draws near.

• Reminiscing: You visit that friend or church service for the last time. You say goodbye to your coworkers. You sell your old, but memorable, car. You visit some of your favorite places for the last time. You sigh a lot.

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• Moving Out: The day is here and everyone bubbles with excitement and anticipation! This is the day you’ve been planning for and everything’s going into that truck, neatly or not. It will be long and laborious, but you’re determined that your sleepless nights will not have been in vain. You get breakfast and the truck. Your team arrives somewhat on time. They pack everything into the truck.. maybe too efficiently? It all goes so fast! Then it’s time. You give hugs and say final goodbyes. Then you climb up into the intimidating (for better or worse) vehicle and press the gas. You look back. Don’t we always look back? The memories flow for a second, then your navigator pulls out the map- or the phone- for the first directive. You travel. You sing together. You listen to podcasts or audio books. You make the necessary fuel stops. You make some considerably less than necessary potty stops- better in the restroom than the car, though. Back on the road, you text your move-in team. You call for a pizza delivery a little after arrival time. You patiently endure each other’s over-tired moodiness and finally decide to lift up a desperate situational pray for deliverance!

And then…

• Moving In: You arrive. Some movers are waiting for you, some on their way. You hope not to come across grumpy in the small-talk, but you just want to be done. Your move-in team works hard, though slightly confused at your system or fatigue-affected decisions, and you’ve barely had time to explore the place before boxes are being piled wherever there’s floor space. Everyone gets fed (even if your inability to count food portions makes you dig into your personal stash). Movers leave. It’s quiet.. and messy. It’s not home. You do what you can with daylight, then prepare for bed. You forgot to set up the bed frame. Mattress on the floor it is. Drifting to sleep comes easy tonight.

• Familiarizing: This strange place you’ve tried to convince yourself to bear that most sacred title: “Home.” But it’s not home; not yet, at least. Where is the closest grocery store? Gas station? Park? What do we do with our trash? Where should we go to church? Should we introduce ourselves to the neighbors or wait for them to do so? Why does the toilet make that sound? Why does the fridge make that sound? Why does the neighbor make that sound? Ah… okay. You begin to understand. People here are different, but you think you can learn to get used to it. Your kids make new friends before you. You eventually decide on a church. Your workmates are mostly friendly. Your neighbors are mostly friendly. You’ll adjust, and so will they. You begin to label that place you come back to each night “home.”

• Joy: There are some really positive implications to living here. The house is in a nice location. The job is rewarding. The house is almost livable now. There’s a park nearby for the kids. Everyone’s getting into a routine. Thanks, Lord. Forgive my lack of prayer in this. Help me to trust You in difficult times like these.

• Missing home: As joyful as it may be to plug in and get connected with those who will be your new family, the relationships are still shallow. They don’t have the history of your old ones; that comes with time. You find yourself re-experiencing culture shock as you drive, shop or catch local small talk. Add COVID’s stringent mandates which discourage large gatherings and promote home offices, and… it’s lonely. The sadness of missing home means something positive though: that you lived right in your last station of life. You loved well. You enjoyed the sights and experiences and circumstances. And you may learn to appreciate them more at a permanent distance, as I do. Sure there are some regrets, some relationships that weren’t well addressed. I think that will be most people in most places, but all you can do is resolve to work those things out more carefully in your new location, and appreciate each new circumstance all the more.

• Settling In: You’ve finally accepted that this is where you are. You try to hang on to the beloved relationships of your former life, but, frankly, many of them fall off the radar. You trust that God has you here for a reason, and it’s good. Furnishings fill the space neatly with a renewed touch of flare. New routines are established and you’re back to a normal diet and sleep schedule.

Moving truly takes more time than the simple packing and unpacking. For those who don’t move much, the process could take a whole year or more to return to normalcy, both physically and emotionally! Well, that took up more space than expected, but thank you for following along. Here’s the Update:

Update

(As of September)

{Praise the Lord with us in these answers to prayer}

• We have decided on a new home church, called Calvary OPC. They have been so welcoming and hospitable, in perfect balance with their intentionality in every aspect of ministry. They are Christ-centered, multi-cultural, multi-generational, children-friendly and love to sing.

• The Richards Family: Joel Richards, a current 3rd year student, helped us move in on our arrival date. Within the week, his wife Eszti (short for Eszter, she is Hungarian) contacted Katie, before ever meeting us, to offer child care for Justus when baby should decide to come (Due Oct. 25). She also hosts a mom’s group in which Katie has thoroughly enjoyed participating. Their little boy, Charlie (in the picture below), is a month older than Justus and they are best friends! They have had several play dates since our arrival. The Richards also have a little girl they call “Rosie Posie,” as does Justus now.

• Mercy Pres. helped pay for seminary books. Though I wasn’t able to get ahead in reading, I am abundantly grateful for the opportunity to have so many books on my shelf by which to bolster my usefulness and generosity to those I will be serving.

• A generous donor offered enough financial help to assure my focus on studies and Katie’s ability to stay home with Justus and the newborn. As a result, I’ve been able to cut down my work hours significantly.

• The first day of school was an encouraging success! I rode my bike the 3 miles there and free lunch was offered after the initiating Chapel service, at which I was able to meet some professors and fellow students!

• Our apartment feels more like home: we’ve invested in several furnishings, practically starting from scratch, and are starting to feel like this is a place we can come to and rest.

For more Prayer Requests & Praises, consult “Morning Mercies New” as they are very similar Up to this point.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and give you peace.

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